It was 1995. I was in San Jose. I was recently divorced. I had a job as a systems administrator, but my degree was in Industrial Design. I had very few friends. None of which I had grown up with. None of which really knew me, and all were too busy with their own affairs. I knew a lot of people, but I had no real friends. I eventually floated from job to job during the internet boom years in the Bay Area of California. Between being lost from my recent divorce and feeling as though I was an imposter sysadmin'ing, my heart wasn't really in it. I mean, it wasn't really in my life, let alone work and relationships. I was just going through the motions. It was sort of a manic depressive mix of filling the void with cars or women or trinkets, or whatever I thought society would expect me to do with myself. I didn't know what I wanted, let alone what I needed.
This blog is about me learning to live. I haven't made it yet, but I am on my way; at least, I feel I am. It's also sort of a retro-diary. I was far too nomadic to keep a diary. I always lost things when I traveled. For a while, I was too afraid to put stuff on the internet for fear of someone I didn't feel comfortable with finding it. So, I kept it all to myself. It was not 5 years ago that when I searched my name on the internet that a slew of information regarding myself filled the front page. Now, with everyone else in the world on the web, it is all firmly buried. Maybe I am being manic again, but I feel more at ease spilling the beans now. At the very least, I don't feel I have to entertain anyone...
